Jokes Quotes · Page 66

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

— Joe Bob Briggs

People have lost their sense of humor. In former times, we constantly made jokes about different races.

— Clint Eastwood

A joke that works is complete knowledge in a nanosecond…

— Steve Martin

“It was a joke to the extent in the context of the views that speech.”

— Herman Cain

My family joke that I'm really a very senior person who accidentally happens to be 11.

— Adora Svitak

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

— Nikhil Saluja

I make jokes because humor is the greatest healing factor that there is.

— Dick Dale

I'm really bad with jokes. I would have to say Limp Bizkit.

— Brian Molko

The thing that's weird is that we thought it was funny. We expected people to get the joke - that we [with…

— George Michael

The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like 'Mad Men' is disgusting. It's a super disgusting part…

— Jonah Hill

My father taught me to work, but not to love it. I never did like to work, and I don't deny it.…

— Abraham Lincoln

I walk with God, and He protects me. That may very well be true. I don't mean to make that sound like…

— Dan Harmon

My first job was selling doors, door to door. That's a tough job isn't it? Bing Bong; Hello, can I interest you…

— Bill Bailey

The thing about Donald [Trump] is the jokes write themselves. I don't even think of it to be trolling. What he says…

— Chrissy Teigen

The Soviet Union represents a threat in terms of might. It is a joke in terms of its economy and what it…

— Jack Kemp

Don't Take It Seriously * When the SHARE BROKER says, It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly…

— Nikhil Saluja

I like Jacques Derrida; I think he's funny. I like my philosophy with a few jokes and puns. I know that that…

— Alan Moore

Rush hour brings out the worst in some people. They make faces, gesture, yell, call names, bump you with their car, and…

— Jennifer James

It is of first-rate importance to notice from the start that stupidity is not the same thing, or the same sort of…

— Gilbert Ryle

My dowry is thirty-five. A year.” His brows climbed. “You’re joking.” “I would never joke about money with a notorious thief. Just…

— Shana Abe

“The answer to the question ‘How many children do you have?’ and the one to the question ‘How many children are you…

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

But for me to have the opportunity to stand in front of a bunch of executives and present myself, I had to…

— Kanye West

I remember the old joke, while women are deciding which schools the kids go to, where you're going to live, how the…

— Debra Winger

“If you’re not interested in me, just tell me. You don’t have to ruin me for all women.” “I’m more about action…

— K.A. Tucker

Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.

— Pacifiersucker

My background is part of my comedy. Your experiences are where the jokes come from.

— Charlie Murphy

He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Actually, I've been making jokes about the little bones in my hands; they can't handle my own power.

— Raquel Pennington

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

— Rainn Wilson

“I decided then and there never to become someone who told jokes when explanations were impossible.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer

I always joke with people that having nephews is the best birth control there is.

— Tahj Mowry

Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't like the pressure to try to tell the best jokes. I'm not good at jokes.

— Will Forte

I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

— Daniel Tosh

I'm well aware when i've to use suck me or fuck me. Yea I'm classy like that!

— Nikhil Saluja

Me and my girlfriend are so different, I exist but she doesn't

— Anonymous

“in this society, things you’d think could only be bad jokes actually happen all the time.”

— Banana Yoshimoto

The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?

— Daniel Tosh

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

— Mitch Hedberg

The most powerful force in the universe is women gossiping.

— Nikhil Saluja