I decided then and there never to become someone who told…

I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.

— David E. Kelley

“If you eliminated all possible explanations, then the impossible is the answer.”

— J.R. Ward

If you eliminate all possible explanations, then the impossible is the answer.

— J.R. Ward

Where two factions see vividly each its own aspect, and contrive their own explanations of what they see, it is almost impossible for them…

— Walter Lippmann

Every time a woman makes herself laugh at her husband's often-told jokes she betrays him. The man who looks at his woman and says…

— Germaine Greer

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be…

— Drew Carey

I was a bit of a show-off at school. I told jokes a lot because I wanted to have friends.

— Ainsley Harriott

I told jokes badly.

— Don Rickles

I'm not good with jokes, no. I don't know a joke at all. I like being told jokes, but I can't tell one myself.

— James DeGale

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.

— Megan Fox

Never take all the sweet things i've told you as jokes, I never joke about my feeling. I mean them! I really do.

— Luphielia

I have some speakers up here, thank God, because last night I didn't have them and I was telling jokes and I had no…

— Mitch Hedberg

“When the football team was down I just told some jokes and got them laughing their butts off." -Chris Pratt”

— Joe Allan

Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.

— Dana Carvey

“Our world will not die as a result of the bomb, as the papers say, it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke…

— Carlos Ruiz Zafon