It was not easy to get to where I am. My challenge is to learn to deal with the jokes that are… — Maria das Gracas Silva Foster Copy Share Image
The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine… — Bill Bryson Copy Share Image
Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I… — Lisa Lampanelli Copy Share Image
If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the… — Dana Gould Copy Share Image
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh,… — Alonzo Bodden Copy Share Image
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Maybe I was what Leah thought she was. Some kind of dead end that shouldn’t be passed on to another generation. Or… — Stephenie Meyer Copy Share Image
I'm an actor. I've always been an actor. I've always approached all my comedy as an actor. I don't really care about… — Brett Gelman Copy Share Image
For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did… — Gary Gulman Copy Share Image
I'm always looking for what's something that Bradley Whitford's character can say that is completely outrageous and completely wrong, but in a… — Matt Nix Copy Share Image
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks."… — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
First and foremost when you're doing comedy, you gotta be relevant and applicable to the times that you're living in. When you… — Adam McKay Copy Share Image
Lend's dad, two werewolves, and a vampire. It was like the setup to a bad joke or something. A doctor, two werewolves,… — Kiersten White Copy Share Image
For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke… — Natasha Leggero Copy Share Image
“Thanksgiving Jokes Q: Who is never hungry at Thanksgiving? A: The turkey because he is always stuffed! Q: What’s the best thing… — Uncle Amon Copy Share Image
A 5yrs old girl asked her teacher; PLS SIR, DOES HONEY HAVE LEGS?? The teacher answered NO my dear but why do… — Robzybobby Copy Share Image
(Finland is a famously introverted nation. Finnish joke: How can you tell if a Finn likes you? He's staring at your shoes… — Susan Cain Copy Share Image
You should not take prayer too seriously. There is something playful about God. You only have to look at a penguin ...… — Thomas Keating Copy Share Image
I think I realized that Dave Barry was funnier than I'll ever be, and he made no attempt to make any actual… — Joel Stein Copy Share Image
Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might… — Nick Clooney Copy Share Image
Scandinavian-Danish cuisine was something quite rustic, mostly known for pastries and smorgasbord cuisine, which in itself has become a joke. — Rene Redzepi Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she's fat. I'm just saying if I had to name 5 of the fattest people I know… She'd be… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
I was the kid who always hung back and then dropped the jokes when you least expected it. Timing was everything. My… — Jeff Ross Copy Share Image
I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to 'ripley's believe it or not' - they sent it back and… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of… — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good… — Rodney Dangerfield Copy Share Image
If you can't joke about the most horrendous things in the world, what's the point of jokes? What's the point in having… — Ricky Gervais Copy Share Image
I really don't work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
You don't see a wonderful shot in a comedy. Why? Because they don't want to distract you from what matters, which is… — Fede Alvarez Copy Share Image
I call our bathroom 'The Vault' because the door's always locked and whatever goes on in there costs a $hitload of money. — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I used to love 'Murphy Brown' as a kid. I didn't even understand half of the jokes that were going on, but… — Cristela Alonzo Copy Share Image
I don't want to see people decorating a house or digging a garden. As for guys like Jonathan Ross, he got an… — Ian St John Copy Share Image
Anyone who walks out on stage, whether he's eight or 80, they'll go, 'Oh, Alesha, he'd be good for you.' I'm the… — Alesha Dixon Copy Share Image
Children always know when company is in the living room - they can hear their mother laughing at their father's jokes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes,… — Brian P. Cleary Copy Share Image
I'm not big on fat jokes. That's a little beneath me. I'm not a huge fan of making a joke - and… — Michael Showalter Copy Share Image
As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and… — Busy Philipps Copy Share Image
I can't do jokes. I've always come from left field and tried to subvert conventional comedy. I started as a rebellion against… — Julian Barratt Copy Share Image
