Jokes Quotes · Page 40

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.

— Robert Paul

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

— Woody Alle

Roses are white nightlock is blue its called Catching Fire not Hunger Games 2

— Priyanka

If a playwright is funny, the English look for a serious message, and if he's serious, they look for a joke.

— Sacha Guitry

No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke.

— John Waters

I did see the Soul Train picture. That was interesting. I've heard all the jokes. I had it coming.

— Mike Tomlin

“Jokes are powerful like that, they can be both inclusive and exclusive. Can create both an Us and a Them.”

— Fredrik Backman

“How do jokes work? The beginning of each good one challenges you to think.”

— Kurt Vonnegut

“Jokes are hilarious only when you take them unreal and dreamlike, otherwise it becomes painful. So I always live otherworldly...”

— Saket Assertive

I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different…

— Rita Rudner

There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. But you and I, we've been through that,…

— Bob Dylan

Inside an EXAMINATION HALL I think myrself I am AN intelligent,but when result comes out MY intelligences are far apart.

— Subhananda

I learned how fast you can go from being an international hero to being a reference in a joke on a late…

— Michael Phelps

Jokes do finish themselves. I really do see them as ongoing conversations about personal themes that I ruminate on.

— Marc Maron

Indiana's governor is coming under fire for a new law that some people feel is anti-gay. The governor now says he is…

— Conan O'Brien

I remember on the pilot of 'Will and Grace' some executives from NBC saying to me, 'There are too many gay jokes.'…

— James Burrows

“Hey, dragon!" Jay said loudly. The dragon opened one eye. "How can you tell if you have a dragon in your bathroom?…

— Greg Farshtey

I like trying jokes and seeing the response, and if I end up doing it in my act, it won't be 140…

— Sarah Silverman

Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute,…

— Ronnie Barker

I'm not making fun of it because I want to make fun of it. I'm making fun of it so I feel…

— Pete Davidson

I think that every show on television has its place. I think Married With Children or, I don't know, The Nanny... some…

— Peter Krause

There is a joke that I use all the time. I say it to my kids. I used to say it to…

— Stanley Tucci

When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's…

— Russell Brand

Laughter is something we have against oppression and oppressive people. Dictators hate people who laugh at them. It's easy for them to…

— Burhan Sonmez

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake...After three days of pain and agony…the rattle snake died.

— Anonymous

a short cut to matrimonial unhappiness is not to have the same taste in jokes!

— Margaret Deland

Want to hear the joke about the vacuum? Nevermind...It sucks.

— Anonymous

There is a kind of happiness and wonder that makes you serious. It is too good to waste on jokes.

— Anonymous

Televison allows thousands of people to laugh at the same joke and still remain alone.

— Bertrand Russell

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

It's really stupid to defend your own jokes. That is for other people to do if they choose to.

— Sarah Silverman

People don't buy a new detergent because the manufacturer told a joke on television last night.

— David Ogilvy

I did in the bed. I did it on the couch. I did it in the car. Texting is such an obsession.

— Anonymous

If I could email my jokes to the crowd and get the same immediate response [as during stand-up], I'd do that.

— W. Kamau Bell

He who jokes in the executioners face can be destroyed, but never defeated.

— Tom Robbins

In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth.

— Roseanne Barr

“We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Three women walk into a pub and say, 'Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'

— Bill Bailey

I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

— Anonymous

Art should be serious, not a joke. I dont like to laugh about art.

— Gerhard Richter