Jokes Quotes · Page 38

As reporters in State College, there was a joke. We used to call Penn State, the Kremlin.

— Rodney Erickson

My greatest regret as a writer is that I've never been able to include as many jokes as I'd like.

— Robert Harris

Sometimes people get passionate about the obscure jokes.

— Martin Short

The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.

— Adrian Edmondson

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

— Anonymous

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

— Ludwig Wittgenstein

Three men walk into a bar. You think the third one would of seen it.

— Anonymous

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

I am not against marriage - without marriage, ninety-nine percent jokes will disappear from the world. How I can be against marriage?…

— Rajneesh

Our solution on 'The Simpsons' is to do jokes that people who have an education, or some frame of reference, can get.…

— Matt Groening

If someone wants to make a joke about me smoking too much pot, I'm not going to get mad at them, because…

— Doug Benson

Hen wife pulls her husband, whos fully drunk, to bed & tries removing his shirt & husband replies- LADY¦ LEAVE ME ALONE,…

— AB

I think its natural if youre doing a lot of comedy to do a lot of drama, because you have to figure…

— Judy Greer

The vast majority of people that have gotten mad at me for a joke that I've made were people that were, A,…

— Brad Williams

When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested…

— Brian P. Cleary

When you people have a set up joke and the joke is set up straight and the words are just well written,…

— Will Gluck

“And there's a cop over there." "What?" the boy said, glancing at the D.C. police officer that stood at the corner of…

— Ally Carter

I find it incredibly boring when people are mean about some individuals, especially if the individual has no power. I can understand…

— Dylan Moran

There used to be a joke that women need a reason to have sex, while men only need a place. Does policy…

— Rush Limbaugh

A sparrow lay dead on the backseat. She had found her way through a hole in the windscreen, tempted by some seat-sponge…

— Arundhati Roy

“I wonder Pa went so easy. I wonder Grampa didn' kill nobody. Nobody never tol' Grampa where to put his feet. An'…

— John Steinbeck

Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries…

— Joan Rivers

“The year that Rutherford died (1938) there disappeared forever the happy days of free scientific work which gave us such delight in…

— Pyotr Kapitsa

To our betters eve can reconcile ourselves, if you please--respecting them sincerely, laughing at their jokes, making allowance for their stupidities, meekly…

— William Makepeace Thackeray

I make terrible jokes every time I go into a hospital. I think it's a defence mechanism.

— Sanjeev Bhaskar

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

— Steve Harvey

There's nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke.

— Adam McKay

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

Humor is an attitude, a survivor’s way of looking at life. It’s not about telling jokes.

— Michael Shurtleff

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

— Nikhil Saluja

Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?

— Michael De Leon

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

— Mark Twain

Sometimes I believe I'm insane but then I remember I take after my mother.

— Jade Surette

I came out of the womb singing, dancing, and telling awkward jokes.

— Annaleigh Ashford

“You making jokes about my illness? Not funny. Me making jokes about my illness? Funny.”

— Carla Ulbrich

Early on when I started talking about my weight, it was self-deprecating; everything was a joke.

— Gabriel Iglesias

How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? ¦¦¦¦¦¦¦¦.. with Duct Tape :)

— Punkinhead Abhishek

I'm more interested to show the darkest places of myself, and I don't joke about it.

— Pedro Almodovar

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

— Richard Russo

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

— Norm MacDonald