Israel also deprived the world of its chance of shedding tears of genuine sympathy over her destruction. The world resents this; it… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“She laughed. ''You seem pretty normal.'' ''You've never seen Ben snort Sprite up his nose and then spit it out of his… — John Green Copy Share Image
You wonder if God doesn't have an answering machine to screen out the prayers of the venal and the boring? And in… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“. . . parent could embarrass their kids during the teenage years, but only a true virtuoso could embarrass them into their twenties and beyond.” — Danielle Monsch Copy Share Image
I have read that, on the average, the Japanese are getting taller, but at the moment they seem to be about the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have… — Bat Masterson Copy Share Image
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture…He takes upon himself… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I want you back here now. I want you next to me now. I cannot believe that my family, your brother, all… — Mary Calmes Copy Share Image
“May we do it again? She sounds remarkably bright and cheerful. 'And I didn't bleed. My mother said I would experience great… — Janet Mullany Copy Share Image
“Wait here, Miz Meg, and we'll holler when we're undressed and under the covers. We know it don't bother you seein' our… — Lorraine Heath Copy Share Image
“I think I’m coming up on the ess curve, so I’m going to hang up and concentrate on driving. In the snow.… — Lani Ames Copy Share Image
“Pray, what's the nature of his trouble?" Prudence asked solicitously. "Oh, cursed bad news, my boy. That old aunt of his from… — Georgette Heyer Copy Share Image
“You'll let me put a total stranger's piss hose in my mouth while my knees scream in agony on the hard floor?… — Larissa Ione Copy Share Image
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, "And let there be aluminum siding."… — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
When a wicked and unworthy subject annoyed the Sultan of Turkey or the Czar of Russia, he had his head cut of… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
“Talk about insanity. Being attracted to deVries was like a moth saying, "Hey, let's go check out that awesome bonfire".” — cherise sinclair Copy Share Image
I'm afraid that, in this chapter we must talk about sex in a very explicit manner, because we want to expand the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In particular, there was a butler in a blue coat and bright buttons, who gave quite a winey flavour to the table… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
It's difficult to differentiate between a story that's humorous and clever and one that actually makes people laugh out loud. — Mick Foley Copy Share Image
You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“The older you get, the harder it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat have become super… — Sariah Wilson Copy Share Image
Come, let us hasten to a higher plane, Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn, Their indices bedecked from one to… — Stanislaw Lem Copy Share Image
This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
I've watched goldfish make babies, and ants execute earwigs. I've seen a fly deliver live young while having its head eaten by… — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
“Having our old Gran in the car was like having a cranky 'Tassie Tiger' sitting in the back. You never knew when… — Elizabeth M. Thompson Copy Share Image
“I've fucked you, licked you, bound you, flogged you, and spanked you. Jesus, Lilly, how much more do you want to get… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to someone who doesn't care if I marry a man or a woman as long as I give you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Intolerance is the ''Do Not Touch'' sign on something that cannot bear touching. We do not mind having our hair ruffled, but… — Eric Hoffer Copy Share Image
I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious - unless he purposely shut… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Stop teasing you two,” Suzy jumped in, “not all of Kathy’s ideas are wacky.” “Gee thanks. Was that supposed to be a… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
Ann Taylor - great name, great real estate, shitty business. Gap -great name, great real estate, declining business. J.Crew - Hellooo? Great… — Millard Drexler Copy Share Image
The Japanese have become so smitten with the Western condiment - its texture as silky as a kimono, its tang as understated… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
I really like the Observer. I think I'd love to have a column with a broad reach that would enable me to… — Toby Young Copy Share Image
When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a… — R. A. Lafferty Copy Share Image
In Hawaii they say, "aloha." That's a nice one, It means both "hello" and "good-bye" Which just goes to show, if you… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“Bunny plucked the lit cigarette from Dylan’s lips and slipped it between her own. “Always offer a lady a cigarette after sex.… — Ana B. Good Copy Share Image
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
