What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge — Robert Breault Copy Share Image
“I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!” — C.C. Alma Copy Share Image
“The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French.” — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“If you were an animal, what would you be?" I wrote, "A bumblebee trying to fuck a marble.” — Wells Tower Copy Share Image
“One can hardly do anything productive when one knows there is cake in the fridge.” — Joyce Rachelle Copy Share Image
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work. — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“I've fucked you, licked you, bound you, flogged you, and spanked you. Jesus, Lilly, how much more do you want to get… — Ella Dominguez Copy Share Image
“Having our old Gran in the car was like having a cranky 'Tassie Tiger' sitting in the back. You never knew when… — Elizabeth M. Thompson Copy Share Image
I've watched goldfish make babies, and ants execute earwigs. I've seen a fly deliver live young while having its head eaten by… — N.D. Wilson Copy Share Image
The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You know I hate to chase. I'm only here to talk, but if you run, I'll have to chase and we both… — Kaye Chambers Copy Share Image
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It was decided almost two hundred years ago that English should be the language spoken in the United States. It is not… — George Mikes Copy Share Image
There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“Look, I wanted to mention something to you," I said. Play it off as casual. Play it off as no big deal.… — Christina Lauren Copy Share Image
Not every story lends itself tonally to humor, so you have to navigate that territory properly. You can put a humorous spin… — Kevin Keck Copy Share Image
“Mummy can we keep him?" Madeleine asked with the wide eyes of a burgeoning crush. "Darling, little boys make terrible pets," Mrs.… — Gitty Daneshvari Copy Share Image
Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Kissing Red must've killed off some of your brain cells," Ryder decided. "You can tell a woman what to do---if you play… — Nora Roberts Copy Share Image
“The first thing they would do would be to open my mouth and extract the soggy ball of my handkerchief, and as… — Alan Bradley Copy Share Image
There's a lot of different ways that a song would be a challenge to parody. There are a lot of songs that… — Al Yankovic Copy Share Image
From the air, Vatican City looked like a marble Monopoly set. The Church owned all the property from Broadwalk to Illinois Avenue,… — Tom Robbins Copy Share Image
“Damn it, I should be the only one allowed to drool over him. I found him first! Or something not as stupid.” — Nicole Christie Copy Share Image
“From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?" "First I need a virgin.” — Carl Hiaasen Copy Share Image
Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function. — Victor Borge Copy Share Image
The only possible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do, some don't. — Ernest Rutherford Copy Share Image
The persons hardest to convince that they're at the retirement age are children at bedtime. — Shannon Fife Copy Share Image
East Germany was so total in its totalitarianism that everything was banned which wasn't compulsory. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I don't mind flying. I always pass out before the plane leaves the ground. — Naomi Campbell Copy Share Image
Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
Happy Mother's Day to a mom who didn't intentionally get knocked up to be on MTV. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt” — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Being bigheaded can be as irritating and as dangerous as being small-minded.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
“You held me down and rammed me so hard I deep-throated you from the other end.” — Marita A. Hansen Copy Share Image
“The jukebox played some hillbilly tune; steel guitar and emotion-choked moaning...” — Philip K. Dick Copy Share Image
A German singer! I should as soon expect to get pleasure from the neighing of my horse. — Frederick The Great Copy Share Image
A clever, imaginative, humorous request can open closed doors and closed minds. — Percy Ross Copy Share Image
