That's an interesting accent you got there. Are you from stroke-victim? — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
You know, a comedian's comedian is just that - it's a guy who's original and funny and can make comics laugh. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Two men spit in their hands, help each other out, then laugh about it later. Just to be silly. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
You 50 year old one-breasted bag of meat. Just hang it up and be grateful some of your friends are still living. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
The biggest killer to funny is hyper sensitivity to certain subject matter and Montreal is as guilty of that as L.A. or… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester? — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I don't watch too much television because I want to write something, and you never want to be influenced by other things… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great.… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I know I'm funny, and I like to be in front of people, and the fact that I'm good at that. It's… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
I wanted to do a talk show that reminded me of the old school ones I loved as a kid, without all the fake… — Jim Norton Copy Share
It's surreal to be hanging out on Ozzy's patio with him talking politics. It's so funny when people doubt that he's with it because… — Jim Norton Copy Share
If someone doesn't like a comedian that's fine; a lot of people probably don't like my standup, and that's fine. But I think that… — Jim Norton Copy Share
With 'Mouthful of Shame,' all of my fans or the majority of them said it's the best thing you've ever done and that meant… — Jim Norton Copy Share
What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far… — Jim Norton Copy Share
Comedians want honest discussion because it affects us. We make our living talking, so anything around language affects us greatly. — Jim Norton Copy Share
People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's… — Jim Norton Copy Share
Anyone who can't tell the difference between a joke and hate speech is just stupid. — Jim Norton Copy Share
