Funny Quotes by Anonymous · Page 37

Girlfriends are like credit cards, you can't get one unless you already have one.

— Anonymous

I hope your fine arts degree taught you the fine art of being unemployable.

— Anonymous

They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit.

— Anonymous

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

— Anonymous

The summer heat has made me exhausted from trying to dress as slutty as everyone else.

— Anonymous

'All boys are the same.' said the 12 year old girl after her 3 day relationship ended.

— Anonymous

I am only doing my part to piss off the pious religious folks.

— Anonymous

I feel bad for the flu if it has to spend time in my body.

— Anonymous

'Hey can I borrow a pencil?' 'Yeah but it doesn't have an eraser.' 'Life doesn't have an eraser.' 'That was deep man...'

— Anonymous

Some people think Boss's Day is a just a way to try to get in good with the boss. I promise I…

— Anonymous

I hate being tired in school and thinking I'm going to take a napas soon as I get home and then when…

— Anonymous

“I think we may have started this conversation off on the wrong foot," Robert said finally. In fact, if the conversation had…

— Anonymous

That moment when you study SO hard for an exam, & you readthe first question & you're Like WTF where was this…

— Anonymous

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big…

— Anonymous

My previous assumption that you were a little bit off has been totally cleared up now that I realize you're just Canadian.

— Anonymous

I saw a man at the beach screaming, 'Help, shark, help!' I laughed because I knew the shark wasn't going to help…

— Anonymous

A tightrope-walker tripping on a sidewalk is completely unacceptable.

— Anonymous

I want to be a shotgun-toting, gangster-robbing black homosexual like Omar on The Wire.

— Anonymous

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

— Anonymous

I love how we don't even need to say out loud that I'm your favorite child.

— Anonymous

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you are not.

— Anonymous

I think I'll just move on because at the end of the day I'm pretty sure you already did.

— Anonymous

When I was little sticking my tongue out was like giving some one the middle finger.

— Anonymous

I feel terrible getting my cat fixed and relegating it to the same sexless existence as me.

— Anonymous

That risky naked trip from the bathroom to your bed room.

— Anonymous

You call them swear words, I call them sentence enchanters.

— Anonymous

Steve Carell leaving The Office is almost as depressing as my inability to leave mine.

— Anonymous

Here's to many more Grandparents Days before you go completely batshit.

— Anonymous

I used to think guns were loud until I dropped the damn shampoo in the shower.

— Anonymous

I use to think you took my breathe away but now I realizedI was just suffocated by your bullshit,!

— Anonymous

*Playing bingo* Me: Yes! I only need one more! Someone: BINGO! Me: NOOOO! F*CK YOU!

— Anonymous

My heart is like a cabbage divided into two. I gave the leaves to others and my heart to you

— Anonymous

Hes taking this company to hell, and were riding shotgun.

— Anonymous

Dear Lord, If you can't make me SKINNY, please make my friends FAT!

— Anonymous

Math: The only place where a person can buy 80 watermelons without anyone thinking they're a weirdo.

— Anonymous

Getting in the shower* DAMN,I FORGOT TO GET A TOWEL! MOOOOOOM!

— Anonymous

I'd jump in front of a bus for you...As long as its not moving.

— Anonymous

I hate it when I'm wearing socksand I step in something wet.

— Anonymous

I love you so much, I will even talk to you on the phone.

— Anonymous

Let's march one block to celebrate our near-gay experience.

— Anonymous