Facebook status Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 9

In my version of volleyball I use my legs and also don't play volleyball.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best tweets are when someone take them personnel & instantly unfollow me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Honest, I only meant to rough him up a bit.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be…

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes, the only thing left to do is to let go even if it's the hardest thing to do.

— Nikhil Saluja

The best thing that can happen to a couple married for fifty years or more is that they both grow nearsighted together.

— Nikhil Saluja

That sad moment when you dip your Oreo into the milk for too long and it breaks off.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're ever feeling down, just remember that I'll always be there to feel you up.

— Nikhil Saluja

My biggest problem is falling in love with those who retweet me,

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact.

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some of the greatest quotes, come from the most uncommon of minds.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

— Nikhil Saluja

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress.

— Nikhil Saluja

Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to…

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

Math: 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

— Nikhil Saluja

Every father thinks that his son is an idiot, but only my dad is right.

— Nikhil Saluja

I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first.

— Nikhil Saluja

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every year, I start to realize how stupid I was the year before.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

That moment when you have to beg yourself to stop crying and tell yourself, 'Be Strong'

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women over 200 pounds with a visible thong should have to register as sex offenders.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

Using Viagra to masturbate is a hardest time in every man's life...

— Nikhil Saluja

It's hard for me to say I love you because the word you isn't beer or sex or football.

— Nikhil Saluja

When getting divorced remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

— Nikhil Saluja

NASCAR : The most exciting sport for people who have never seen a fucking freeway.

— Nikhil Saluja

If youre protective and tall and sweet and cute and smell good and give good hugs then I want to date you

— Nikhil Saluja

My Girlfriend just said that I should stop acting like an year old. I almost choked on her boobs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.

— Nikhil Saluja