Bed Quote by Steven Wright

“It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?'”

Steven Wright

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Bed Hell Race Racism Seems Thinking Up Wake up

More by Steven Wright

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she…

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If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,…

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If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts.

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Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances.

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I saw a tree fall in the woods, and I didn't hear it.

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It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The…

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I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I…

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Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby…

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“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”

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When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say…

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I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

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Explore all 564 Steven Wright quotes

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Leave a cavity behind the [wall] facings, and on the inside build walls two feet thick, made of red dimension stone or burnt brick…

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Why couldn't Jesus command us to obsess over everything, to try to control and manipulate people, to try not to breathe at all, or…

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“To all the secret writers, late-night painters, would-be singers, lapsed and scared artists of every stripe, dig out your paintbrush, or your flute, or…

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