Jokes Quote by Jimmy Kimmel

My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians.

— Jimmy Kimmel

I wish Vine had Tivo. Who can sit through all that?

— Jimmy Kimmel

“Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman…

— Jimmy Kimmel

I only get unusual ailments.

— Jimmy Kimmel

No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do.

— Jimmy Kimmel

Hurricane Katrina has been particularly hard on President Bush, who was forced to end his vacation two days early. He was supposed to be…

— Jimmy Kimmel

At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the…

— Jimmy Kimmel

I don't want to ruin it for you, but at the end, Voldemort kills Harry with a fairly vivious atomic wedgie.

— Jimmy Kimmel

When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don't really remember…

— Jimmy Kimmel

You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else.

— Jimmy Kimmel

You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage.

— Jimmy Kimmel

If I could have one super power, it would be the ability to read.

— Jimmy Kimmel