Bees Quote by Jack Handey

“Just as bees will swarm about to protect their nest, so will I 'swarm about' to protect my nest of chocolate eggs.”

Jack Handey

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More by Jack Handey

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Jack Handey

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I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables and bread and pie, and it was just fine. Later on, I went into Mom and Dad's…

Jack Handey

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you…

Jack Handey

Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.

Jack Handey

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I don't understand people who say life is a mystery, because what is it they want to know?

Jack Handey

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It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a…

Jack Handey

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Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S GOING?!

Jack Handey

I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out west and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is…

Jack Handey

Why do there have to be rules for everything? It's gotten to the point that rules dominate just about every aspect of our lives.…

Jack Handey

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Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can…

Jack Handey

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Here's a suggestion for a new animal, if some new ones get created or evolve: something that stings you, then laughs at you.

Jack Handey

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When you go ice-skating, try not to swing your arms too much, because that really annoys me.

Jack Handey

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Explore all 358 Jack Handey quotes

More Bees quotes

Those who have not been stung will hardly fear a bee the same as those who have.

Sara Sheridan

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Arouse a bee and it will come at you with the force of a dragon.

Takeda Shingen

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Pray look upon the plants and birds, the ants, spiders, and bees, and you will see them all exerting their nature, and busy in…

Marcus Aurelius

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You see, years ago I was just an ordinary bee minding my own business, smelling flowers all day, and occasionally picking up part-time work…

Norton Juster

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As the bee collecteth honey with great zest, so the fool collecteth wealth.

Kabir

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When I heard that the bees were in trouble, the fact that they're disappearing and not coming back to the hive, which is a…

Louie Schwartzberg

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Precise, graceful, and generous, the poems in SuperLoop, seem to be born out of a deep, careful attention and a profound compassion. Sometimes the quiet observer, sometimes the kid in the center of the messed-up carnival, these poems are the fireflies you’ve missed all winter, the longed-for return of the bees. Unaffected and inherently hopeful, Callihan’s work is as merciful…

Ada Limon

The little bee returns with evening's gloom, To join her comrades in the braided hive, Where, housed beside their might honey-comb, They dream their…

Charles Tennyson Turner

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“This time of year, the purple blooms were busy with life- not just the bees, but butterflies and ladybugs, skippers and emerald-toned beetles, flitting hummingbirds and sapphire dragonflies. The sun-warmed sweet haze of the blossoms filled the air. "When I was a kid," said Isabel, "I used to capture butterflies, but I was afraid of the bees. I'm getting over…

Susan Wiggs