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Told Quotes by Steven Wright
- My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I…
- I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it…
- When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
- I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a…
- My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'
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