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Todd Quotes by Jack Handey
1 Todd quote by Jack Handey
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Jack Handey has 402 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me and I…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the car -…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then…
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More Todd Quotes
Popular Todd quotes from across the collection:
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I want guys who want to be here. I want guys who are energetic and passionate. I didn't see any passion from…
— Unknown Author
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There's only been three giant promoters in our lifetime. There's Michael Todd, P.T. Barnum, and yours truly.
— Don King
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I didn't raise Todd to be a writer, but he happened to be one anyway
— Anne McCaffrey
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The truck was really fast, we just couldn't get a long enough green flag run there toward the end to get a…
— Kevin Harvick
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The disconnect between [offensive coordinator] Todd Haley and [quarterback] Ben Roethlisberger is so blatant you can just see it.
— Marshall Faulk
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I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, "Yes, my name's Todd. Todd Blankenship." Oh, also I wish my…
— Jack Handey
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Mr. Anderson thinks that everything inside of him is worthless and embarrassing. Isn't that right, Todd? And that's your worse fear.
— Tom Schulman
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I discovered that Robert Todd Lincoln was there for each of the first three assassinations. I wanted to write about the Lincoln…
— Sarah Vowell
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Had there not been a Mary Todd, there would not have been an Abraham Lincoln. She found him when he was a…
— Sally Field
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Guys like Todd Bridges never overcame being a child star. You can't have any big failures. I've always felt regular. I played…
— Bow Wow
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Ladies and Gentlemen, King of the Stupid Question: Todd Grisham!
— John Cena
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Don't hate the player, Todd, hate the game.
— Josh Mathews
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