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More Quotes by Dave Barry
- Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.
- Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious.…
- To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
- As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
- There is a breed of fashion models who weigh no more than an abridged dictionary.
- You can use the Internet to find out, from anywhere on the planet: exactly how much coffee is in a certain coffee machine at Cambridge…
- In my experience, you run into trouble when you ask a group of beer-drinking men to perform any task more complex than remembering not to…
- Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass…
- Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened…
- Although humans tend to view sex as mainly a fun recreational activity sometimes resulting in death, in nature it is a far more serious matter.
- Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed…
- But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the government and the…
- Without computers, the government would be unable to function at the level of effectiveness and efficiency that we have come to expect. . . .…
- RAM: This gives guys a way of deciding whose computer has the biggest, studliest memory. That's important, because the more memory a computer has, the…
- And what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP. Great! Just what we need! Sheep that look MORE ALIKE…
- If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for…
- Here in the news media, our focus is on speed. When we get hold of some new and possibly inaccurate information, our highest priority is…
- As a professional journalist, I have always been fascinated by people who appear to have even more spare time than I do.
- The trouble is, you cannot grow just one zucchini. Minutes after you plant a single seed, hundreds of zucchini will barge out of the ground…
- The Japanese tend to be far more co-operative and docile and group-oriented. It would be easier to get the entire population of Tokyo to wear…
More More Quotes
- I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling… — Hank Aaron
- The more dubious and uncertain an instrument violence has become in international relations, the more it has gained in reputation and appeal… — Hannah Arendt
- No punishment has ever possessed enough power of deterrence to prevent the commission of crimes. On the contrary, whatever the punishment, once… — Hannah Arendt
- I believe more in precision, when you have the capability, like when you see a mosquito fly and you're able to hit… — Alexis Arguello
- As a kid, 'Star Wars' was much more my thing than 'Star Trek' was. — J. J. Abrams
- I believe in anything that will engage the audience and make the story more effective. — J. J. Abrams
- Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them life, those… — Aristotle
- All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. — Aristotle