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Jim Gaffigan has 99 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my…
• Bacon bits are like the fairy dust of the food community.
• There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.
• Whenever one of my children says, 'Goodnight, Daddy,' I always think to myself, 'You don't mean that.
• Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
• Failing and laughing at your own shortcomings are the hallmarks of a sane parent.
• Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January.
• It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.
• Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at…
• Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.
• There were times in my life when I had one thing to do all day, but I still couldn’t get to it.…
• If camping is so great, why are the bugs always trying to get in your house?

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