« All Kill Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Kill Quotes by Jack Handey
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Not lifting weights doesn't kill me. Therefore not lifting weights makes me stronger.
- If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.
- Eventually, I believe, everything evens out. Long ago an asteroid hit our planet and killed our dinosaurs. But in the future, maybe we'll go to…
- If you're ever selling your house, and some people come by, and a big rat comes out and he's dragging the rattrap because it didn't…
- Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship? It's simple, it comes from…
- If life deals you lemons, why not go kill somone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat)?
- Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides.
More Kill Quotes
- I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways. — William Shakespeare
- Harry, despite your privileged insight into Voldemort’s world (which, incidentally, is a gift any Death Eater would kill to have), you have… — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
- I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you… — Superman
- There exist only three beings worthy of respect: the priest, the soldier, the poet. To know, to kill, to create. — Charles Baudelaire
- Guns are evil! And very little good comes from the availability of a bullet designed to kill human beings! — Mackenzie Astin
- To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure. — Honore de Balzac
- The only defense is offense, which means that you have to kill more women and children more quickly than the enemy if… — Stanley Baldwin
- Get the right perspective. When Goliath came against the Israelites, the soldiers all thought, "He is so big. We can never kill… — Russell Johnson