« All Keep Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Keep Quotes by Jack Handey
- I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
- I think a cute movie idea would be about a parrot who is raised by eagles. It would be cute because the parrot can't seem…
- I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in…
- For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here's a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness.
- A good way to keep a mob of peasants from killing your monster is when they break into your castle, make them be real quiet,…
- If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see,…
- You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just…
- Frank knew that no man had ever crossed the desert on foot and lived to tell about it. So, he decided to get back in…
- If doctors ever tell you that you've "flipped out," don't believe them, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me…
- If you're pretty happy, but you have a little Chihuahua that's always biting you on the ankles, still that's pretty good isn't it? I'm going…
- When you're going up the stairs and you take a step, kick the other leg up high behind you to keep people from following too…
More Keep Quotes
- Most important thing in life is to keep moving irrespective of the facts that you r hurt u r broken or betrayed… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Dreams are what keep us going when real life lets us down. — Nishan Panwar
- I keep my friends as misers do their treasure, because, of all the things granted us by wisdom, none is greater or… — Pietro Aretino
- You looked into my eyes and whispered that you wanted to be with me, all my heart wanted to do was say… — Superman
- I used too be the girl that would be soo happy to walk into the classroom and say'guess who just walked in… — Jasmine
- In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the… — Aristotle
- The best advice I ever got was that knowledge is power and to keep reading. — David Bailey
- Meditation means: remain as relaxed as you are in deep sleep and yet alert. Keep awareness there; let thoughts disappear but awareness… — Rajneesh