Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

Ed Woolard, his mentor on the Apple board, pressed Jobs for more than two years to drop the interim in front of his CEO title.… — Walter Isaacson
I love my babies so much that I could kiss them all day long..as a job. I could be a professional baby kisser. No joke. — Jessica Capshaw
Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke. — Jon Stewart
Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really… — Jackson Browne
On 'Lab Rats,' I read the script probably three or four times before we ever even do a table read because I want to be… — Billy Unger
Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises. — Darby Stanchfield
We are not evil. We don't harm or seduce people. We are not dangerous. We are ordinary people like you. We have families, jobs, hopes,… — Margot Adler
WHEN YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THAT’S WHEN THE DARKNESS TAKES OVER. — Amanda Palmer
Comedians and Feminists are natural enemies. Because stereotypically speaking, feminists can't take a joke and comedians can't take criticism. — Louis C. K.
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. — Garrison Keillor
My friends always joke that I run on batteries. — Alexander Wang
This is a wonderful joke to play upon a prisoner, to promise forgiveness. — Kate DiCamillo
And what exactly is a dream and what exactly is a joke. — Syd Barrett
If the first ‘Hangover’ movie were this awful, there never would have been a Part Two. This is a joyless, unfunny mix of comedy and… — Mick LaSalle
Honey, Kate is not going to die sooner because you have one more glass of mine, or because you stay overnight in a hotel, or… — Jodi Picoult
People might be making too much of me maturing and growing; I’m still the same person. I still like to joke around and have fun… — Patrick Kane
Living is a pretty grim joke, but a joke just the same. — L. Ron Hubbard
I am very optimistic about the long run prospects for democracy in China. Chinese society is being dramatically and rapidly transformed. And there’s rising evidence… — Larry Diamond
When my family all got together, I'd always get up and entertain everyone, but it was all a bit of a joke. My first real… — Duffy
I'm a diplomat by nature. I help find the middle ground. I crack a joke and use humour to help resolve potentially vicious situations quickly.… — Ronnie Wood
More than anything I have learned that we are all frail people, vulnerable and wounded; it is just that some of us are more clever… — Sheila Cassidy
To joke in the face of danger is the supreme politeness, a delicate refusal to cast oneself as a tragic hero. — Edmond Rostand
It is-or seems to be-a wise sort of thing, to realise that all that happens to a man in this life is only by way… — Herman Melville
Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do? — Mark Twain
Every single member is so precious to me and like family to me.. I may joke around with them a lot but I can't talk… — Kim Hyo-yeon

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: