Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

You have to struggle a bit, hustle a little, and be willing to go bankrupt. Once you're willing to do that, everything opens up and… — Nick Nolte
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. — Don Rickles
I was making my living from a joke about my appearance that I didn't understand, and in a way still don't, because when I look… — Wallace Shawn
It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed that the audience… — David Walliams
I had my electricity turned off three times because I never had time to pay my bills. It was a joke. I'm making a ton… — Sherry Stringfield
I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes. — Carol Burnett
It's a lot easier, I think, to be an actor in a movie than to spin a joke on a sitcom. — Nicole Sullivan
It's so easy to judge everybody and for some reason extra weight is the one thing everything feels OK to joke about. — Caroline Rhea
If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke. — Shawn Wayans
The surprising thing is that I was not funny in high school. I was always jealous of the funny kids because they always got the… — Sean William Scott
I'm not good at telling a joke, but I can say a line in a certain way that makes people uncomfortable because they don't know… — Walton Goggins
Beijing residents joke that to get a free smoke all they have to do is open their windows! — Lee Hsien Loong
There's nothing the people love more than a Federal Reserve joke. — Adam McKay
Mothers, take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them,… — Ezra Taft Benson
I think it's really important to be kind, especially to people whose lives are grim - I try hard to cheer people up in as… — Jo Brand
I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke. — Jenifer Lewis
Sometimes I wonder why God ever trusts talent in the hands of women, they usually make such an infernal mess of it. I think He… — Willa Cather
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it… — Bob Saget
Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to… — Alex Winter
And the bigger the fall, the bigger the joke. It would be better fun to throw a custard pie at a bishop than at a… — George Orwell
I'd come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart's little brother. Everyone figured, this is… — Owen Hart
A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial. — Mark Twain
Everyone recognizes that's a joke because obviously the number and shape of the pieces doesn't affect the size of the pizza. And similarly, the stocks,… — Merton Miller
You have more and more people coming into the tent with the creative guys [on Hollywood films]. You have marketing and concept testers, advertising people.… — James L. Brooks
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with… — Red Skelton

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: