Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

There was a time when I didn't like myself at all. I thought I was a cruel joke. But now I've come to realise that… — Cee Lo Green
Whenever I realize I'm being a goofball, I write it down. When I release the joke onstage, I love watching the effect it has on… — Billy Gardell
Comedy is similar to hockey... in only one way. You get a lot of credit for assists. So I try to serve whatever the intention… — Johnny Galecki
What do we care, if the world is a joke? We'll give it a big kiss, we'll give it a poke. Death wears a big… — Elvis Costello
She said she wasn't afraid of Satan, in fact, she thought he was a joke. She said she'd tear his tail off and run her… — John Mellencamp
No comedy should be longer than 90 minutes. There's no such thing as a good long joke. — John Waters
The joke that you laid in the bed that was me. — Alanis Morissette
After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding. — Dave Chappelle
I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original… — David Cross
We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt. — Bobby Farrelly
What you never want to do is have a story that doesn't track emotionally, because then you're going joke to joke and you're going to… — Paul Feig
I'm infamous, a joke. It doesn't make me feel good, because I'm a genuine person, but I don't let it get to me, because I… — William Hung
I found, especially with stand-up, that if a premise works, you can make the joke work. If a premise doesn't work, you can't force it… — Nick Kroll
I make a joke that I'm the Internet curmudgeon, but 'wary' is a good way to put it. — Bill Keller
I don't mind being the brunt of a joke, so long as it's a good one. — Joey McIntyre
What if life is just a cosmic joke, like spiders in your underwear. — Jimmy Buffett
Ain't singing for Pepsi, ain't singing for Coke, I don't sing for nobody, makes me look like a joke. — Neil Young
She had something down there twice as big as mine. That's why I say you better watch where you stroke, cause it could turn out,… — Gary B.B. Coleman
I never told a joke in my life. — Andy Kaufman
I think that every show on television has its place. I think Married With Children or, I don't know, The Nanny... some people want to… — Peter Krause
I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in… — Slavoj Å½iÅ¾ek
When I was younger, I used humour as a tool to avoid getting too serious with people - if there was deep emotional stuff going… — Matthew Perry
If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a… — Wanda Sykes
The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I'm not aware of any scholarly, scientific or… — Dick Cavett
I'm not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn't really bother me. — Dick Cavett

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: