Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

The mind may be reluctant to think properly when thinking is all it is supposed to do; the task can be as paralysing as having… — Alain de Botton
There is a kind of laughter people laugh at public events, as if a joke were a charity auction and they want to be seen… — William McIlvanney
Art once made a cult of beauty. Now we have a cult of ugliness instead. This has made art into an elaborate joke, one which… — Roger Scruton
One would understand a ban on surrogate advertising, but to completely ban [smoking] is ridiculous, a joke taken too far. — Mahesh Bhatt
Don't kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here's how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In this country global… — David Letterman
It would be a joke if the conduct of the victor had to be justified to the vanquished. — Napoleon Bonaparte
Fashion has become a joke. The designers have forgotten that there are women inside the dresses. Most women dress for men and want to be… — Coco Chanel
We all joke about Congress but we can't improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad… — Will Rogers
We cuss Congress, and we joke about 'em, but they are all good fellows at heart, and if they wasn't in Congress, why, they would… — Will Rogers
When I make a joke, nobody gets injured... when Congress makes a joke, it's the law. — Will Rogers
With Congress, every time they make a joke it's a law, and every time they make a law it's a joke. — Will Rogers
Reagan was an exceedingly likeable guy, just a heck of a nice fellow, despite his politics. He was funny and loved a good joke, the… — Walter Cronkite
I will never joke about old soldiers who try to get to reunions to talk over the war again. To talk of old times with… — Will Rogers
And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or… — Will Rogers
We must be able to deal with ridicule and scorn, which it always seems that Buddhists receive. But we feel that it doesn't matter. God's… — Frederick Lenz
Real racist jokes or sexist jokes aren't funny - not because they're offensive, but because they're not true. As soon as a joke is based… — Ricky Gervais
The most important thing in comedy - apart from empathy, which I think is important even if disguised - is surprise. I like surprising people… — Ricky Gervais
My daddy was a carpenter that worked with the Jones boys, who are the most notorious in America. The black gangsters, you know, they were… — Quincy Jones
I really thought that I'd be doing Shakespeare, honest to God. I did not foresee the whole action television thing. That was God's joke. — Nick Offerman
To realize that I was the victim of what was apparently someone's sick joke and constant lies was, and is, painful and humiliating. — Manti Te'o
Everyone has sadness-I just get mine out in my music so that I can laugh and joke and flirt with you! — Sam Smith
I'm very wary of doing political stuff for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is that the shelf-life for them is not… — Tim Heidecker
Anarcho-capitalism, in my opinion, is a doctrinal system which, if ever implemented, would lead to forms of tyranny and oppression that have few counterparts in… — Noam Chomsky
I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It's an… — Marcus Brigstocke
What I don't like today is, to put it coarsely, the phony Hasidism, the phony mysticism. Many students say, "Teach me mysticism." It's a joke. — Elie Wiesel

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: