Joke Quotes

1327 Joke quotes by 1003 unique authors

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try… — Mark Twain
I am never happy when I finish a book. I always start feeling good, and then I get to about Page 75 and start losing… — Sarah Dessen
My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention. — Carol Leifer
I tell you it's no joke to paint a portrait. I wonder that I am not more timid when I begin. I feel almost certain… — William Morris Hunt
If life's a joke, then suicide's a bad punch line. — Louise Erdrich
It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! — Kevin Nealon
You know when Jerry Ford gets the best joke, you know you're in trouble. — Mark Russell
I always joke that I'm a British actress trying to break into Scandinavian TV. — MyAnna Buring
The simile has to match the tone of its surroundings and has to be like a little joke. Writing a simile that isn't funny on… — Ned Beauman
30 Rock' is probably one of my favorite shows. It's just joke after joke after joke. — Alison Brie
It would be really hard to get serious about anything political today unless it was a joke. — Carla Bley
Science fiction has its own history, its own legacy of what's been done, what's been superseded, what's so much part of the furniture it's practically… — Iain Banks
I was raised in a family where no one had a serious bone in their body and every answer was a riddle, a joke, or… — James Brolin
Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke. — Joe Bob Briggs
We joke about it in the entertainment industry: Every actor wants to be a musician, and every musician wants to be an actor. — Lance Bass
I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone's real belief in something to help tell a… — Selma Blair
I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error… — Todd Barry
My friends joke that I raised the Titanic and never left the Rockies. — Clive Cussler
Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star. — Dana Carvey
I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who… — Dave Attell

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1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: