Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

No value is higher than self-esteem, but you've invested it in counterfeit securities-and now your morality has caught you in a trap where you are… — Ayn Rand
The subconscious mind has no sense of humor and people often joke themselves into unhappy experiences. — Florence Scovel Shinn
It ain't no joke when you lose your vinyl. — Afrika Bambaataa
The joke of it all is that you are looking from your true nature right now without knowing it. If you would stop being fascinated… — Adyashanti
For now, we assume that self-evolving robots will learn to mimic human traits, including, eventually, humor. And so, I can't wait to hear the first… — Lance Morrow
You name any horrific thing, and I can make a joke out of it. — Quentin Tarantino
It was a joke, okay? If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn't have written it! — Marc Andreessen
You're going to get violated in that ring. I am going to close the curtain on the joke that is the Audley Harrison show. — David Haye
ORTHODOX, n. An ox wearing the popular religious joke. — Ambrose Bierce
Happiness requires that we give up a worldly orientation-not worldly things, but a worldly attachment to things. We have to surrender all outcomes. We have… — Marianne Williamson
There's an old joke that you know you're in heaven if the cooks are Italian and the engineering is German. If it's the other way… — David Byrne
If I had to give my younger self some advice, I think it would be that you have to laugh at things-things that scare you,… — Taylor Swift
Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format' — Bill Bailey
Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong. — David Niven
I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it. — David Brenner
A despot doesn't fear eloquent writers preaching freedom- he fears a drunken poet who may crack a joke that will take hold. — Elwyn Brooks White
I used to crack A joke when Sourav Ganguly is upset and make him happy , i usually speak in bengali which would make him… — Sachin Tendulkar
Feminine traits are called weaknesses. People joke about them; fools ridicule them; but reasonable persons see very well that those traits are just the tools… — Immanuel Kant
I like to joke that I probably hold the world record for rejection letters. Yes, the truth is that I was fed up of being… — Ashwin Sanghi
In his recent book, When Brute Force Fails, UCLA's Kleiman argues that new strategies for targeting repeat offenders--including reforms to make probation an effective sanction… — David Von Drehle

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: