Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

I've been burn when it comes to my hair that it ain't no joke. — Jenifer Lewis
Sometimes I wonder why God ever trusts talent in the hands of women, they usually make such an infernal mess of it. I think He… — Willa Cather
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it… — Bob Saget
Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to… — Alex Winter
And the bigger the fall, the bigger the joke. It would be better fun to throw a custard pie at a bishop than at a… — George Orwell
I'd come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart's little brother. Everyone figured, this is… — Owen Hart
A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial. — Mark Twain
Everyone recognizes that's a joke because obviously the number and shape of the pieces doesn't affect the size of the pizza. And similarly, the stocks,… — Merton Miller
You have more and more people coming into the tent with the creative guys [on Hollywood films]. You have marketing and concept testers, advertising people.… — James L. Brooks
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with… — Red Skelton
Ed Woolard, his mentor on the Apple board, pressed Jobs for more than two years to drop the interim in front of his CEO title.… — Walter Isaacson
I love my babies so much that I could kiss them all day long..as a job. I could be a professional baby kisser. No joke. — Jessica Capshaw
Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke. — Jon Stewart
Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really… — Jackson Browne
On 'Lab Rats,' I read the script probably three or four times before we ever even do a table read because I want to be… — Billy Unger
Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises. — Darby Stanchfield
We are not evil. We don't harm or seduce people. We are not dangerous. We are ordinary people like you. We have families, jobs, hopes,… — Margot Adler
WHEN YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THATâ€™S WHEN THE DARKNESS TAKES OVER. — Amanda Palmer
Comedians and Feminists are natural enemies. Because stereotypically speaking, feminists can't take a joke and comedians can't take criticism. — Louis C. K.
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. — Garrison Keillor

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: