Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke. — Janet Jackson
Well had the boding tremblers learn'd to trace The day's disasters in his morning face; Full well they laugh'd with counterfeited glee At all his… — Oliver Goldsmith
A beautiful problem is no joke! — Unknown Author
The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller. — Scott Adams
Pardew has come out and criticized me. He is the worst at haranguing referees. He shoves them and makes a joke of it. How he… — Alex Ferguson
When I played Lady Day, I took Aba onstage with me as a joke. He started singing-in tune!-and the audience loved it. — Eartha Kitt
Desegregation is a joke. — Nina Simone
There is a joke that your hammer will always find nails to hit. I find that perfectly acceptable — Benoit Mandelbrot
We are not engaged in a complicated joke disguised as a religion. We are engaged in a religion disguised as a complicated joke. — Malaclypse the Younger
Tonally, there was no discussion; I just donâ€™t know any other way to do it. I donâ€™t want to make people feel bad, and I… — John Hodgman
You think a student leaves each week because they are out of the academy. This is just a cover up to hide serious injury that… — Unknown Author
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first. — Jimmy Nail
I asked a thief to steal me a peach: He turned up his eyes. I asked a lithe lady to lie her down: Holy and… — William Blake
It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny… — Jack Handey
A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go… — Jack Handey
I wish I lived back in the Old West days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a… — Jack Handey
The last man that makes a joke owns it. — Finley Peter Dunne
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards, and we will go to great lengths to prove it. Experiments… — Garrison Keillor
Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It's like a big joke. — Rachel Perry
When Harel wished to put a joke or witticism into circulation, he was in the habit of connecting it with some celebrated name, on the… — Unknown Author

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: