Joke Quotes

1327 quotes by 1003 authors

"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to… — Joan Rivers
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look… — Eddie Izzard
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex.… — Billy Connolly
The act of sex, gratifying as it may be, is God's joke on humanity. It is man's last desperate stand at superintendency. — Bette Davis
Comedy mocks the vanity of visions of rational control. The person who can joke amidst a confrontation with evil, like the quick-witted Spider-Man, must be… — Peter Leithart
My goal is to get on the national team. People joke that we'll be able to go to Beijing in 2008, but it's just jokes… — Unknown Author
I am aware that by many persons, it is considered in the nature of a joke to to become a candidate and to be elected… — Samuel Ealy Johnson, Jr.
The insular arrogance of the English character is a commonplace joke. — Goldwin Smith
I often joke with my audiences that I make most of my income on a ski pole. People smile but they get my point. You… — Robin Sharma
The year that Rutherford died (1938 [sic]) there disappeared forever the happy days of free scientific work which gave us such delight in our youth.… — Pyotr Kapitsa
The sad thing is, I was discovering that you almost have to make a joke of being good to strangers. Up and down the country,… — Danny Wallace
Life as such has to be taken as a cosmic joke - and then suddenly you relax because there is nothing to be tense about.… — Rajneesh
I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke. — Neil Peart
Most critics don't realize that a novel like One Hundred Years of Solitude is a bit of a joke, full of signals to close friends;… — Gabriel Garcia Marquez
A joke a day keeps the gloom away! — Cesar Romero
I remember what J. Golden Kimball said when he came down to the stake where I was presiding. I introduced him as the 'Will Rogers'… — Hugh B. Brown
There was no working title for the album. The record-jacket designer said `When I think of the group, I always think of power and force.… — Jimmy Page
Take any country that has laws against hate crimes, inspiring hatred and genocide and so on. The first thing they would do is ban the… — Noam Chomsky
If you have to do something, write me a funny AIDS play. Sure you can. It's the biggest joke played on us since sex itself… — Robert Patrick
I voted for Ralph Nader in 2000, but I will not make that mistake again. The joke is over for Nader. He was funny once,… — Hunter S. Thompson

Who Wrote These Joke Quotes

1,003 authors contributed a total of 1,327 Joke Quotes, led by these top contributors: