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I Opened Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
1 I Opened quote by Mitch Hedberg
More Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 172 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck…
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk.…
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So, I sit at the hotel at night and I think of something that's funny. Or, If the pen is too far…
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At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need…
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I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see…
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More I Opened Quotes
Popular I Opened quotes from across the collection:
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I was called up in the war and sent to a hospital. I dressed wounds, applied iodine, gave enemas, did blood transfusions.…
— Bertolt Brecht
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The last song was so deep and raw and pure that I could not escape. It was as if the people were…
— Anne Lamott
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I was gearing up for it. I took some singing lessons. And I opened my mouth, and Atom promptly said, 'That's not…
— Colin Firth
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I opened the doors and windows of America, and let the air and sunshine in.
— Elsie de Wolfe
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Once I opened my eyes to the realities of life, I couldn't close them.
— Emmanuelle Beart
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When I was a child I thought I saw an angel. It had wings and kinda looked like my sister. I opened…
— Denzel Washington
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Genet raised his hand, and I squeezed my eyes shut, sure I would be receiving the worst backhanded slap of my life.…
— Alexandra Bracken
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I opened the show with this line: "I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! Oh, wait, sorry, that's…
— Steve Martin
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