« All Fall Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Fall Quotes by Jack Handey
- If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to…
- Sometimes when I'm driving behind a big cement truck, I think of how the valve on the truck could suddenly open, spilling cement over my…
- Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and…
- Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if…
- If you're robbing a bank and your pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh, and let your hostages laugh too, because come on…
- Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait.…
- If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch…
- If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him…
- I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
- I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground…
More Fall Quotes
- Whenever my pocket money fall short. I start to think my life sucks. Then I think about all those out there who… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- The parents have to learn that the child should not be insulted, humiliated, condemned. If you want to help him, love him… — Rajneesh
- Lao Tsu uses the anology of the tree. The old hard tree breaks and falls when the wind blows. The young tree… — Frederick Lenz
- That is the great mistake about the affections. It is not the rise and fall of empires, the birth and death of… — Amelia Barr
- There are problems with nursing - such as the issue of nurses all having to do degrees these days. But that doesn't… — Jo Brand
- We owe gratitude to France, justice to England, good will to all, and subservience to none ... it was by the sober… — Thomas Jefferson
- But human beings fall easily into despair, and from the very beginning we invented stories that enabled us to place our lives… — Karen Armstrong
- I learned in an extremely hard way that the accountability falls with me. — Stephen Baldwin