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Answer First Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

1 Answer First quote by Mitch Hedberg

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he…

More Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg has 172 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck…
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an…
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at…
I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk.…
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need…
Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna,…
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show…

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More Answer First Quotes

Popular Answer First quotes from across the collection:

What am I afraid of? I'll tell you: a feather. that's right, a feather. How could anyone be afraid of a feather,… — Jack Handey
My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird… — Mitch Hedberg
BECAUSE I'M A WINNER, WHY DID YOU TAKE HER CANDY ? Stupid answer first then stupid question — Patricia Serendipity Dixon
Violence is never THE answer, first its words, then violence, then Fire, and lastly hide the body. — Alexandria Anderson

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