Best Rodney Dangerfield Thoughts
- Life is just a bowl of pits. Bowl
- My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her… Always Trying
- Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it. Airplane
- I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers. Came
- I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter… Butter
- I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no. Asks
- Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it. Hook
- My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. Doctor
- When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back Child
- Look out for number one and try not to step in number two. Look
- I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am. Believe
- my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens Bad
- Life's a short trip. You'll find out. Find
- I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with. Boy
- People seldom live up to their baby pictures. Baby
- In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window. Asked
- I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks. Asked
- I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone. Dating
- My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away. Baseball
- The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Funny
- I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it. Dogs
- My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're… Alright
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Bath
- If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all. All
- My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Funny
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