Garrison Keillor

Give up your good 'Christian' life and follow Jesus

— Garrison Keillor

We carry adolescence around in our bodies all our lives. We get through the Car Crash Age alive and cruise through our…

— Garrison Keillor

Some of us have a relentless urge to attempt what we can never be good at and neglect our true calling.

— Garrison Keillor

The problem with paradise is that it's temporary: You don't belong here and the neighbors are nobody you care to know, so…

— Garrison Keillor

“Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have it you…

— Garrison Keillor

The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.

— Garrison Keillor

All solutions are temporary, so why not go for duct tape?

— Garrison Keillor

“Never say anything bad about a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. By then he’s a mile away, you’ve…

— Garrison Keillor

A young writer is easily tempted by the allusive and ethereal and ironic and reflective, but the declarative is at the bottom…

— Garrison Keillor

People meet writers and are bowled over when the writer is friendly to them and invites them to his house for a…

— Garrison Keillor

I love New York, and I'm drawn to a certain intensity of life, but I've just never felt like I want to…

— Garrison Keillor

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear…

— Garrison Keillor

God is a great humorist. He just has a slow audience to work with.

— Garrison Keillor

To the cheater, there is no such thing as honesty, and to Republicans the idea of serving the public good is counterfeit…

— Garrison Keillor

Writing is the main gig and teaching and performing are sidelines, an excuse for not writing more. Working on a novel and…

— Garrison Keillor

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because…

— Garrison Keillor

A good friend is a person who thinks you're one of the good eggs, even if he knows you're a little cracked.

— Garrison Keillor

I've wanted to be a writer since I was a boy, though it seemed an unlikely outcome since I showed no real…

— Garrison Keillor

Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don't put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in…

— Garrison Keillor

I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from…

— Garrison Keillor

I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it.

— Garrison Keillor

To Norwegians, the polka is a form of martial art.

— Garrison Keillor

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.

— Garrison Keillor

As for family values, they are whatever they are - some families are tight, others are blown away like dandelion puffs. A…

— Garrison Keillor

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon, and that's probably one reason why we get along…

— Garrison Keillor