Erma Bombeck

Poached eggs are good, poached animals are not.

— Erma Bombeck

“ If I had my life to live over... Someone asked me the other day if I had my life to live…

— Erma Bombeck

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

— Erma Bombeck

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

— Erma Bombeck

There would have been more 'I love you's' and more, 'I'm sorry's'.

— Erma Bombeck

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

— Erma Bombeck

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's…

— Erma Bombeck

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer:…

— Erma Bombeck

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look…

— Erma Bombeck

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

— Erma Bombeck

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.

— Erma Bombeck

“The other night he took me to dinner. We were having a wonderful time when he remarked, "You can certainly tell the…

— Erma Bombeck

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

— Erma Bombeck

Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest…

— Erma Bombeck

Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.

— Erma Bombeck

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

— Erma Bombeck

For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.

— Erma Bombeck

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one…

— Erma Bombeck

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

— Erma Bombeck

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

— Erma Bombeck

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

— Erma Bombeck

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18…

— Erma Bombeck

“...the words of young Ted Kennedy, Jr., who lost his leg to cancer. "People are taught we should look perfect," he said.…

— Erma Bombeck

Grandmas can shed the yoke of responsibility, relax and enjoy their grandchildren in a way that was not possible when they were…

— Erma Bombeck

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

— Erma Bombeck