Someone told me I should run for president. Dont you think that weve had enough boobs in the White House? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The real fact of the matter is that nobody reads ads. People read what interest them, and sometimes it's an ad. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The character of false wit is that of appearing to depend only upon reason. — Luc de Clapiers Copy Share Image
A sneeze is like a little orgasm. Sometimes it helps to close your eyes and think about your twitter crush. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The guy's life drunk, I think, makes Candide look like a sourpuss. Does he even know that death exists? — Jandy Nelson Copy Share Image
True wit is nature to advantage dressed, what oft was thought, but never so well expressed. — Alexander Pope Copy Share Image
I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants — Dave Beard Copy Share Image
I'm not a drinker, my body won't tolerate...eh...spirits, really. I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hi-jack an… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Want to make a good first impression on a guy? Ask questions about him, seem interested, listen, giggle and swallow. — Family Guy Copy Share Image
With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon. — Groucho Marx Copy Share Image
I'm not so quick-witted. I wish I was. We're pretty different and I kind of live through her in a way, always… — Leisha Hailey Copy Share Image
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A nonsense chat makes sense when you are talking with someone special, — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Hell is paved with good intentions, not with bad ones. All men mean well. — George Bernard Shaw Copy Share Image
Next to being witty, the best thing is being able to quote another's wit. — Christian Nestell Bovee Copy Share Image
I've carried witty banners against laws that would curtail my freedoms. — Jess Phillips Copy Share Image
HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever. — Sigmund Freud Copy Share Image
The only thing I have learned in thirty years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
Tis mean for empty praise of wit to write, As fopplings grin to show their teeth are white. — John Brown Copy Share Image
Deprived of the company of fools, a great wit does not seem half so clever. — Francois Alexandre Frederic, duc de la Rochefoucauld-Liancourt Copy Share Image
Cellphones are like a dog's nipples. You don't have to shout into them! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Marry and make a woman happy OR remain a bachelor and make several women happy! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Do not cry for those who hurt you, this way you're making them successful, smile and be the winner. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
