Witty Quotes · Page 63

My commentary's hilarious, not witty.

— Richelle Mead

Truly love you endlessly. Every day without you is like a book without pages. I love you, I will always do, for…

— F Abahusain

Woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock.

— Nikhil Saluja

Pro-gas-ti-na-tion¦ Waiting to fill up your tank while hoping the gas prices will actually go down.

— Nikhil Saluja

You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home.

— Nikhil Saluja

History is littered with the wars which everybody knew would never happen.

— Enoch Powell

Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me.

— Jessi Klein

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

— Nikhil Saluja

Music can be witty, but it's not funny unless it's conceptually funny.

— Alan Menken

It is terribly amusing how many different climates of feelings one can go through in one day.

— Anne Morrow Lindbergh

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

— Nikhil Saluja

If a girl takes the time to straighten her hair and you don't fall in love with her you're an asshole.

— Nikhil Saluja

I know that you cannot hate other people without hating yourself.

— Oprah Winfrey

Mosquito: The only insect that makes you prefer flies.

— Nikhil Saluja

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is on listening terms with his wife

— Nikhil Saluja

SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Of course, it's very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad…

— Anonymous

Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish I knew all the answers, how to be perfect, attractive and witty. But I'm just a human being with all…

— Anonymous

Everyone has the right to run his own life- even if you're heading for a crash. What I'm against is blind flying.

— Mae West

Men...we spend nine months trying to get out of a vagina, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.

— Nikhil Saluja

I started out with nothing...and I still have most of it left.

— Nikhil Saluja

Il ne faut point donner d'esprit a' ses personnages; mais savoir les placer dans des circonstances qui leur en donnent. You should…

— Denis Diderot