Time Quotes by Steven Wright · Page 2

I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost.

— Steven Wright

My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of…

— Steven Wright

Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.

— Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

— Steven Wright

You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one…

— Steven Wright

I laugh all the time - at things, people, stuff, whatever. But, I don't laugh onstage because then it's serious business.

— Steven Wright

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said,…

— Steven Wright

You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too…

— Steven Wright

I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, 'The…

— Steven Wright

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

— Steven Wright

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

— Steven Wright

Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug.

— Steven Wright

In hindsight, I realized I could see into the future. Which is kind of like having premonitions of flashbacks.

— Steven Wright