I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I don't worry about being exposed. When I'm writing about myself I think about myself as a character. There is a ton… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
This is hurting me a lot more than it’s hurting you," he said. It was his standard line, but I knew that… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
I think I became a better writer after I started writing for the New Yorker. Well, I know I did. And part… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
Writing gives you the illusion of control, and then you realize it's just an illusion, that people are going to bring their… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Plenty of animals had pets, but few were more devoted than the mouse, who owned a baby corn snake—“A rescue snake, she’d be quick… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“never fall asleep in a Dumpster, never underestimate a bee, never drive a convertible behind a flatbed truck, never get old, never get drunk… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“It was a father, one hand resting teapot-style on his hip, and the other - what would be the spout - formed into a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“A Japanese woman we’d met in Paris came to the apartment yesterday and spent several hours explaining our appliances. The microwave, the water kettle,… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
One thing I like about the United States, and I kind of miss about the United States, is there's an election coming up here… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You have how many children in your family?" the teacher would ask. "I'm guessing you must be Catholic, am I right?” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“Like most seasoned phonies, I roundly suspect that everyone is as disingenuous as I am.” — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
“You just take and take don´t you? Out there with your thumb in the air—not a care in the world, just grabbing whatever you… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
In other parts of the country people tried to stay together for the sake of the children. In New York they tried to work… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
My boyfriend got me a computer three years ago. I'll admit it does make things a lot easier. When I was working on a… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
![“A good [short story] would take me out of myself and then stuff me back in, outsized, now, and uneasy with the fit.” quote by David Sedaris](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/73f/david-sedaris-333_fit_a-good-short-story-would-take-me-out-of_1235635.jpg)
