I can't just sit on my daughter's bed and just say 'n---' all night and then put her to sleep. I just… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Most Americans have so much crap, that you could lose most of it and still have way more stuff than the average… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I've met a lot of people who've lost their jobs and they still have a sense of humor. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We're the… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Bill Gates has 90 billion dollars ... If I had 90 billion dollars, I wouldn't have it for long because I would… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
How do women still go out with guys, when you consider the fact that there is no greater threat to women than… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
Technically, I've learned that having good legs and wind is good for being on stage. You have to be in shape and have endurance. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I think I'm past any window where I'm suddenly going to become surprisingly ripped so that people go, 'Oh, my God, what happened to… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I can feel how an audience is reacting when I'm on a stage, but when you are on stage, your perception is distorted. That's… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“You need to develop the ability to just be yourself and not be doing something, that's what the phones are taking away. The ability… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I just love learning. I think learning is how you live. The verb of my life is learning. — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
There's been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It's really easy to say, 'Well, you're Christian, you're anti-this and that, and I… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
“A woman saying yes to a date with a man is literally insane and ill-advised, and the whole species' existence counts on them doing… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
You have to be really tenacious. You have to keep at it. There are many roads to get there. If you can get yourself… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
I'd love to have a shitty job. I couldn't hold any down. Standup was the only thing I could stick with. I'm an idiot… — Louis C. K Copy Share Image
