Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other... — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with 'I can't talk now, I'm going into a… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Saying that you don't believe in magic but do believe in god is a bit like saying you don't have sex with… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I'd ever… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
