For one week, all I could think about was drinking margaritas--well, that and running my tongue along Reyes's teeth--but I didn't have… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that. - T-shirt — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes it's time, and gets to know everyone personally - T-Shirt — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
This guy in high school tried to run me over with his dad’s SUV. Bad shoved the vehicle through a store window.”… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
...But he was a good landlord. When my heater stopped working in mid-December, it took him only two weeks to get it… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
after an epic search, I finally found something neither green nor fuzzy. It was a hot sausage link. I named it Peter,… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought. — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
I have three words for you," EMT Guy said. "Possible internal bleeding." I turned back to him. "Don't you think if I was bleeding… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
God I loved Sammy. I’d considered marrying him, but his wife got upset when I asked for his hand. — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“Oh, my god, I don't know. What do you want?" "You," he said, his voice lowering an octave. "I want you, Dutch, body and… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“If ever there was a time to carry a flashlight, it would definitely be at night.” — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
In three hundred feet, turn right," Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him… — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“The asshole slipped Peggy a five-spot to bring him his burger first. Never trust a man with a penis.” — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
“I reported to work the next morning looking like something the cat dragged in, half eaten yet somehow still alive.” — Darynda Jones Copy Share Image
