Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph. — Dov Davidoff Couple Copy Share Image
Break ups are painful, but if initiated at the right time can fuel one's sense of optimism. — Dov Davidoff Break Copy Share Image
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know. — Dov Davidoff Human spirit Copy Share Image
Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys. — Dov Davidoff Air Copy Share Image
Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option. — Dov Davidoff Death Copy Share Image
People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport. — Dov Davidoff Airport Copy Share Image
I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to… — Dov Davidoff Attracted Copy Share Image
I've always wanted children... not of my own, but for yard work and reaching into tight places to get things I've dropped. — Dov Davidoff Children Copy Share Image
My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was… — Dov Davidoff Bedroom Copy Share Image
Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so… — Dov Davidoff Arms Copy Share Image
It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often. — Dov Davidoff Harmony Copy Share Image
The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt. — Dov Davidoff Ability Copy Share Image
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house. — Dov Davidoff Decided Copy Share Image
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes. — Dov Davidoff Anger Copy Share Image
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't… — Dov Davidoff Addiction Copy Share Image
You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their… — Dov Davidoff Car Copy Share Image
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you… — Dov Davidoff Comic Copy Share Image
Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated. — Dov Davidoff Anticipated Copy Share Image
I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science. — Dov Davidoff Human relations Copy Share Image
You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding. — Dov Davidoff Anger Copy Share Image
The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint. — Dov Davidoff Disappoint Copy Share Image
Few things interest me more than the things people don't say. — Dov Davidoff Interest Copy Share Image
Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it. — Dov Davidoff Herpes Copy Share Image
The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit. — Dov Davidoff Bits Copy Share Image
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan. — Dov Davidoff America Copy Share Image
The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers. — Dov Davidoff Business Copy Share Image
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it. — Dov Davidoff Acceptance Copy Share Image
Parenthood seems really rewarding... like martyrdom, but without the glamour. — Dov Davidoff Glamour Copy Share Image
Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one. — Dov Davidoff Class Copy Share Image
Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are. — Dov Davidoff Figures Copy Share Image
When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk. — Dov Davidoff Diminishing Copy Share Image
You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer. — Dov Davidoff Congratulations Copy Share Image
Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to. — Dov Davidoff Class Copy Share Image
