They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance — George Carlin Copy Share Image
People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They've never had rights. There's no such thing. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood -… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The Baby Boomers: whiny, narcissistic, self-indulgent people with a simple philosophy: "Gimme that! It's mine!" — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Censorship that comes from the outside assumes about people an inability to make reasoned choices. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? They're always people who tell us to live together in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
