Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Finance is the art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket...” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
COMMERCE, n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C, and for compensation B picks the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RICH, adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent, the incompetent, the unthrifty, the envious and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person - a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method . . . of obtaining money by false pretences [by] "reading character" in the wrinkles [of] the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FUNERAL, n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PALMISTRY, n. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in reading character in the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person --a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INK, n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation. So skilled the parson was… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOME, n. The natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability, the commonly accepted standards being artificial, arbitrary and fallacious; for, as… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PANDEMONIUM, n. Literally, the Place of All the Demons. Most of them have escaped into politics and finance, and the place is… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image