MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOMOEOPATHY, n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior, for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
POTABLE, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation. So skilled the parson was… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
