It's better to make fun of yourself because you've always got someone around to make fun of, and they can't sue you. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The First Amendment only says 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.' It can disrespect all it wants. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Jeans fit the mature male one of two ways, both dirigible in nature. You make a public impression that's either Hindenburg or… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Simply because something is a populist movement doesn't make it either good or bad. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Liberals are always proposing perfectly insane ideas, laws that will make everybody happy, laws that will make everything right, make us live… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs is just the thing to make… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I spend my days kneeling in the muck of language, feeling around for gooey verbs, nouns, and modifiers that I can squash… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
All religious believers should be licensed to make sure that they are competent to hold opinions and viewpoints and that they don't… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The great apologist has to have lived large and wild. If he's going to kiss the world's boo-boos and make up, he'd… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
In comparative terms, there's no poverty in America by a long shot. Heritage Foundation political scientist Robert Rector has worked up figures showing that… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
So-called Western Civilization, as practised in half of Europe, some of Asia and a few parts of North America, is better than anything else… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
My whole family can talk. They are all car salesmen. They are all funny. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
It was Ronald Reagan who used to say that the 10 most frightening words in the English language are, "I'm from the federal government,… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Gun violence has cost us too many political leaders, and hardly ever the worst ones. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Pete Seeger is a modest, unassuming, cheerful, and kind-natured man. He's a good folk singer, if you can stand folk singing. And he's such… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Journalists are notoriously easy to kid. All you have to do is speak to a journalist in a very serious tone of voice, and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a 'learning experience.' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
I'll be 56 this year, I've got two kids, and I think it's probably time to go back to writing one-glove jokes. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
