Humour Quotes · Page 12

“Dear Lord, I think I broke something, like my liver.”

— Katie McGarry

“Marry me. You'll learn to love me, I promise.”

— Robyn Carr

“People often say to me: Oy! Get out of my garden.”

— Michael Redmond

“Ice cream was reliable. Young men were not.”

— Kerry Greenwood

“I ache to swim again. Walking’s for mammals.”

— Shaun Hick

Vulgarity shouldn't pass off as humour.

— Radha Ravi

“I don't see what my arse has to do with enchantings!”

— Cervantes Saavedra, Miguel

“You two look like potatoes.”

— Wolfgang Herrndorf

People will be surprised to learn that I've got a sense of humour.

— Tim Henman

“Tip for the day: never eat a bible when you're starving to death.”

— Kevin Brooks

“It's not so much an afterlife' Said Arthur, 'more a sort of apres vie”

— Douglas Adams

“Analyse it; chance of getting succeed are always greater than failure”

— Harishankar Kaushik

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

— Sid Caesar

That's my family; we have a very British sense of humour, very dry.

— Hannah Simone

Wear shirt once: Dirty. Wear hoodie every day for three months: Still clean.

— Bishwajeet Pattnayak

“Just because he likes the same bizzaro crap as you doesn't mean he's your soul mate.”

— Rachel Hansen

“Manet also had an argument with Degas, the end result being that they each returned paintings that they had previous given to…

— Doris Lanier

“He jokingly thought that this guy fancied himself some kind of Jedi knight, waiting for him to say, 'these are not the…

— Wendy Owens

“He, Cromwell, says to his visitors, just tell them this, and tell them loud: to each monk, one bed: to each bed,…

— Hilary Mantel

I look around and pay attention to what around me is not being talked about, and then I talk about it with…

— Alexandra Fuller

“Damn straight" said Connor. "So yeah, I look at you and I could suck start a leaf blower, or drill a Kevin-shaped…

— Z.A. Maxfield

The salutory effect of surviving a heart-attack: One felt that nothing mattered beyond kindness, good manners and humour

— Hugh Massingberd

I like a twisted sense of humour. On 'A History of Violence,' David Cronenberg and I would be doing the grimmest scenes…

— Viggo Mortensen

“Maybe that’s why God made childbirth so painful, so that when your life is wrecked by children you know it could be…

— J.T. Lawrence

“The Jardin Massey looked dismal today, rain lashed and deserted. She watched a bedraggled pigeon, feathers puffed out, sheltering beneath a branch.She'd…

— Jackie Ley

“You were in the trunk while they —” This time, Gentry closed his eyes. “Please. I’m going to have flashbacks. I don’t…

— Tovaley B. Kysel

“In the late 80s though, during the new Glam Rock, leather trousers came back with a vengeance. In a way they replaced…

— Seb Hunter

“When I was in my early twenties I didn't have a need to rub together, back when my life was a series…

— Tyne O'Connell

“To both Holly and Cade, Tera said, “Then we part ways here, hopefully with peace still between us.” Cade shrugged. “What’s a…

— Kresley Cole

If I can laugh with people, it makes me feel safe with them. If I feel someone has no sense of humour,…

— Julia Davis

“[About Uluru] I'm suggesting nothing here, but I will say that if you were an intergalactic traveler who had broken down in…

— Bill Bryson

My humour is a mix of my parents'. I get the chatty, anecdotal stuff from my dad and the filth from my…

— Sarah Millican

“Love conquers all things, let us surrender to love.”

— Bert Boltjes

The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight...

— Bill Maher

“Dead people are just great. Meet me when you are.”

— Fakeer Ishavardas

“Who knew death could lead to an eating disorder?”

— Corey Redekop

“You'll be alright," I say, "Mum likes you .”

— J.A. Buckle

“Try jogging when following your heart, it's healthier”

— Benny Bellamacina

“What, you egg? [He stabs him.]”

— William Shakespeare

“Think for youself but not because I said so!”

— Nala the two dollar philosopher