I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's give thanks our neighborhood is too dangerous for Christmas caroling. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of naughty girls. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Crush, don't be scared if a fat guy in a red suit snatches you away on Christmas Eve. Sincerely, You Were… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Thanks for agreeing not to buy each other anything for Christmas and then making me feel guilty by buying something anyway. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
BOY: Can I have a photo of you? GIRL: Why? BOY: So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present — Publilius Syrus Copy Share Image
Let's hope the kids are stupid enough to believe Santa bought them this year's budget-conscious, crappy gifts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there… — Max Lucado Copy Share Image
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, Please send your credit card numbers. its only fair since youre getting the credit for the gifts, that you should… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April… — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
On the 12th day of Christmas, my Facebook gave too me, 12 stupid bitches, 11 fake people, 10 FB hackings, 9 new… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This year I plan to start putting off my Christmas shopping extra early. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May you maintain the same fake enthusiasm for the holidays as North Koreans did for Kim Jong Il. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
This year, I'm going to buy all of my Christmas gifts from Nike...Made for kids by kids. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm dreaming of a Christmas as white but not nearly as depressing as the Republican party. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wanted to send you something AMAZING for Christmas but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Christmas shopping for you has made me realize that I know absolutely nothing about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Pretending to believe in the Mayan apocalypse prophecy is a great way to get out of buying Christmas presents. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Merry Christmas to someone who'd care more about Baby Jesus if he was in Kate Middleton's uterus. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May your holiday season be filled with friends and family who don't bring up your school's horrifying pedophiliac sex scandal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You remind me of Santa in that you work about one day a year and spend the other 364 days judging. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas! — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's no limit to the amount of company time I'd waste shopping for your holiday gift. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each… — Johnny Carson Copy Share Image
This Christmas I've decided to put a mistletoe in my back pocket…so all the people I dont like can kiss my ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A holiday miracle would be still fitting into my clothes after the holidays. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
