“I need a victim and no offense Yuki, but your carrot sticks are lacking in controversy.” — E.J. Stevens Copy Share Image
A man walks into a hospital feeling unwell and the doctor says: "Sorry, you've only got three minutes to live." The man… — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
“Bump stood in the middle of the room, wrapped in a heavy fur coat, with a black silk top hatcovering his fuzzy… — Stacia Kane Copy Share Image
“So,' I said, partly to Magda, partly to myself, 'Rema left Argentina with this An-a-to-le person.' I adopted the four-syllable pronunciation with… — Rivka Galchen Copy Share Image
“In Massachusetts and Vermont, there had been plenty of mosquitoes, but in New Hampshire, they had reinforcements.” — Jennifer Pharr Davis Copy Share Image
I've made my evolutionary purpose and had children. I don't care if anybody likes me, I'm going to do what I want… — John Hodgman Copy Share Image
“{Rogers} sexual aim is “to convert a creature who is cool, dry, calm, articulate, independent, purposeful into a creature who is the… — Kingsley Amis Copy Share Image
“The little weasel ripped all the buttons off my couch. Ivan Petrovsky, pg 350” — Kerrelyn Sparks Copy Share Image
“I didn't set out to do a gay comic, but given the current political and religious climate in this country, I feel… — Paige Braddock Copy Share Image
I don't have to change anything. I think that's the secret to comedy. You want to be universal and appeal to everyone.… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
“You used nunchucks on a moose?" Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. "I used all sorts of things on that… — Richelle Mead Copy Share Image
“You have to be doubly foolish to be a Satanist,” Stoney muttered. “Doubly?” “Not only do you need to believe all the… — Greg Egan Copy Share Image
“I don't know about some of these other people, particularly the ministers who served my uncle." "Can't you get rid of them?"… — Tamora Pierce Copy Share Image
“The second man I meet is Andrew, and he has dirty fingernails so I can't notice if he is nice or not.… — Gabrielle Zevin Copy Share Image
“Look, we need to make time, but we also need to be somewhat quiet." She faced him. "I am being quiet!" Pathik… — Teri Hall Copy Share Image
Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies... a man's lie is, "I'm at Tony house, I was at Kenny house!"… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
“Divorce is a marital welfare. It's just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn't do enough research before they… — Stephen Colbert Copy Share Image
“Charles Lathrop Pack, president of the American Tree Association, told how Rogers gave him advice in handling an educational campaign in tree… — P.J. O'Brien Copy Share Image
“That's right, bitch. Goldie Schwartz. And I'm not a fucking midget. I prefer the term 'fun sized'.” — Jaye Wells Copy Share Image
Comedy illuminates. And it unifies people, it's not as polarizing as shows with specific political agendas. — Randy Rainbow Copy Share Image
People go, 'Oh, Trump must be good for comedy,' and I go, 'Ehhh.' — Bobcat Goldthwait Copy Share Image
I never think of a project as just being comedy or just being drama - even with 'Masters of Sex.' I like… — Allison Janney Copy Share Image
