Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 99

May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful

— Anonymous

That WTF moment when your toothpaste does a suicide dive off of your toothbrush

— Itsme867

I read something the other day that made me piss myself. It was a sign that said: 'Bathroom closed.'

— Anonymous

I think if steroids are illegal for athletes why aint photoshop illegal for sum dez ratchet bitches on Facebook...IG & Twitter

— IG:caonte_2_funny

LOVE, The only virtue that can be divided endlessly and still not be diminished;

— Nikhil Saluja

My favorite text message, I will be there in five minutes, if not read again.

— Anonymous

History may repeat itself, But Herstory won't ever shut the fuck up about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa: Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police…

— Hussein Nishah

Facebook is that insecure chick that keeps changing her hairstyle &/or color until she finally loses her mind and shaves it &…

— Anonymous

Everyone should agree that the library is kinda the best place to talk with friends..

— Kand3n

Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college.

— Anonymous

In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China

— Punkinhead Abhishek

I'm pretty sure I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work.

— Anonymous

LOVE, Man's grand delusion that one woman differs from another;

— Nikhil Saluja

Disney Channel should stop making new shows and replay all the old ones.

— Anonymous

Fact of life...After Monday & Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F !!

— Anonymous

Dnt let the door hit you when mother nature splits you

— Netter

I never pay my attention. he's going to die poor.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate that feeling when everyone around me is in a relationship and I'm awkwardly sitting there like...I love my dog.

— Anonymous

I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

— Nikhil Saluja

Yo mama's so stupid that she rubbed j!zz all over her face thinking it was Olay.

— Alec Straub

For all my haters, I just want you to know that there's no medicine for insecurities so better commit suicide!

— Nikhil Saluja

Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them...if you know what I mean.

— Anonymous

Started writing poetry the other day. POETR, it's coming along nicely.

— Anonymous